1. Don’t be Leonardo DiCaprio

Before you walk on that stage, do a quick once-over. Blonde hair? Round face? Male? No? Okay, you’re good! Proceed!

2. Be in a movie with lots of British actors

You know, those artsy ones with Benedict Cumberbatch and Kiera Knightley. Yeah, you know which ones I’m talking about.

3. Be in an artsy, serious movie

Don’t even think about being a fun family flick. And an action movie with superheroes and awesome music? Forget it!

4. Perfect your high-heel walk

Don’t be that embarrassing person that clunks up the stairs to the stage because you didn’t practice walking.

5. Make the best ‘I’m so surprised!’ look

If you want to be remembered forever throw in some tears and exuberant hand waving.

6. Practice your speech beforehand and then pretend you made it up on the spot when you win

Just add a few strategically placed “um”s and no one will question why your words seem very professional and rehearsed.

7. You’re set! Get ready to win those Oscars!

Disclaimer: Oscar winning is not guaranteed. Don’t come crying to me when Leo DiCaprio wins instead of you. Though, if that happens, I would wonder why you were even nominated.