How to Win the Oscars
Courtesy Google Images
January 7, 2016
- Don’t be Leonardo DiCaprio
Before you walk on that stage, do a quick once-over. Blonde hair? Round face? Male? No? Okay, you’re good! Proceed!
- Be in a movie with lots of British actors
You know, those artsy ones with Benedict Cumberbatch and Kiera Knightley. Yeah, you know which ones I’m talking about.
- Be in an artsy, serious movie
Don’t even think about being a fun family flick. And an action movie with superheroes and awesome music? Forget it!
- Perfect your high-heel walk
Don’t be that embarrassing person that clunks up the stairs to the stage because you didn’t practice walking.
- Make the best ‘I’m so surprised!’ look
If you want to be remembered forever throw in some tears and exuberant hand waving.

- Practice your speech beforehand and then pretend you made it up on the spot when you win
Just add a few strategically placed “um”s and no one will question why your words seem very professional and rehearsed.
- You’re set! Get ready to win those Oscars!
Disclaimer: Oscar winning is not guaranteed. Don’t come crying to me when Leo DiCaprio wins instead of you. Though, if that happens, I would wonder why you were even nominated.
If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.